Belief and Love

**I apologize for the randomness of this post, it is just simply my random thoughts on "paper" It's been a minute since I have blogged. But for some reason I have felt the urging want or need to put my feelings in writing. Maybe so I can one day look back at my 20s and remember, maybe so one day my children can read what I went through, and understand that "I know"! Whatever the reason, here I am. "The Bible", have you watched it? My husband and I are absolutely in love with this series. We know the stories, and grew up in church, but for some reason "seeing it" has given us all the clarity in the world. Not to mention I really LOVE connecting with my husband on a spiritual level. He challenges me, in a great way, and widens my perspective...but he can also bring me back to reality. For whatever reason I have been going through a spiritual journey. I tend to do so every few years, something happens in my life that makes me think "Why am I here". The biggest difference about my current journey and those of the past is I find myself much more focued on "What can I do to fulfill YOUR purpose Lord". As most 20 somethings I have struggled in the past with faith, religion, beliefs etc. The biggest conclusion I have ever drawn is that anything done out of, or with Love, is never wrong. This Easter season has hit me harder than most. I've not gotten caught up in pretty outfits, hunting plastic eggs, or pictures with this "Creep Bunny" that will be sneaking into your house to leave candy (I mean really, CREEPY) that tends to consume a parent during this time. No, I've found my mind much more occupied with Christ's journey. For the first time in my life I feel like I can relate to Jesus and His disciples. I believe it's because when I read the stories in the past I always pictured them as so much older than me. The truth is, they were the age I find myself at today, dealing with struggles in faith that many of us this age deal with. Maybe seeing it on television, and realizing hey, they're my age has helped with this!? How powerful. Watching the Bible Sunday they depicted the last supper. To me, it always played out in my mind as this serious angelical occurence. But really it was a group of friends, who shared in belief and had true love for one another...How Powerful!! It's easy to say Jesus was the Son of God, of course He is perfect. But Jesus was also the Son of Mary, so of course He was man also. I don't believe he wanted to die, and I believe the thought of it, terrified Him. Not to mention one of his BEST FRIENDS sold him out. Could you sit and have dinner right next to the person you knew betrayed you, and still love them, forgive them? But he trusted in the Father, and He leaned on him in prayer when life was out of His control. I've felt my love for Jesus grow tremendously over the last couple of weeks. And the love feels different, it's as strong as what I feel for Josh. I immediately understood the love that God and Jesus had for me the minute I laid eyes on my two precious gifts. All the doubt in the world of how they could love something or anyone so broken, were erased...because I GOT IT. But I am just now beginning to feel the love that I should for God and Jesus. I've always had a relationship with them, but selfishly I have been on the receiving end. I am working on that. Spending more time in my life asking "What would Jesus do, and How can I make You happy and proud of me". It's not easy and I fail daily. That's okay, as long as I continue to learn and grown through my failures instead of justifying them. I'm not perfect, and don't believe I will ever be. But I do have a perfect love inside of me, and I do believe it is mine, and every other Christian's responsibility to share the same love that has been shown to us.