Tuesday, January 18, 2011


I can remember my teen years being filled with a lot of screaming and teary eyed nights. This was usually the result of an argument with my mother, who I always thought just didn't get me, or understand. What I failed to realize then was how much I just didn't know, yet!
Becoming a mother is much more than holding your child in your arms and telling them you love them. It's not just a series of routines put together in order to manage feedings, changings, baths, and education. Being a mother is much more amazing and terrifying than anyone can ever explain to you in's just a feeling.
As Lena's mom I often find myself wondering what the future brings. It's a constant on my mind. I find most of my prayers simply being that she has a chance to grow up and become the amazing woman that I know she is meant to be. When you hear the quote about "having children is like having your heart forever walking around outside your body" you can't really understand the hurt, the tug, the pull, and the pure love that is that quote until you have lived it....and TRULY embraced it.
It is my personal belief that having children isn't a responsibility but a priviledge. It's something that you personally have chosen to take upon yourself, you were not forced into parenthood, even if the child was an "oopsie"....( I mean is there really such a thing??)
I can only hope that I am half the mother that my mom was to me. As frustrating as it was at 16 to have a strict curfew, be expected to call everywhere I went, bring all my friends and significant others home to meet the parents, I can't say enough how thankful I am for those limitations! I used to be jealous of those kids whose mom and dads let them roam free, no curfew, no responsibility....but I see kids like that today and my heart aches for them. It is because I was truly, deeply, unconditionaly loved that my parents, and I will too, set limits. Sure I strayed, but because of the morals I had instilled in me, I always found my way back home!
So no, I didn't get it....not back then! But a child turns your entire world upright. Not upside down!!


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