Sometimes.....

Sometimes, most times, I get so caught up in my day to day that I forget to stop and look around at all of my amazing blessings. I spent most of my morning reading a blog about a beautiful family who lost their 1 month old son last year. I read about the strength and faith in God. Many times I had to take a break to wipe the tears that were impairing my vision.

I get so completely caught up in things that are absolutely not important (ie cleaning, laundry, baby weight...) the list could go on and on. Often times I feel like I am just a lazy soul when I would rather lay in my pajamas with Lena all day, then pick up a broom. But then I remember how short this life is. Nothing brought that home more to me than losing my Papaw, and the biopsy I had to have done a few months ago. It's amazing how losing someone and seeing your life potentially slipping can breathe life back into you. I wish I could feel that kind of peace all the time.

I've never really written about my grandfather, maybe because I found it to personal, or maybe because it just seemed to soon. I was 22 years old when they diagnosed him with cancer. He had been sick for some time and I think we all knew it was more serious than he let on. Cancer seems to be such an everyday word anymore, that I truly thought nothing of it. My other Papaw had 3 different types all of which turned out fine.

I don't think the reality hit me until my wedding day. Papaw was too ill to make it to my wedding. I didn't think much of it until Josh suggested we go see him on our way to the reception. That was the first time I think I really cried for him. I think it was the first time I can truly remember his stubborn self being truly happy to see my loud mouth walk through his doors. And the only time I ever remember him getting up to hug me. We weren't by any means of the word close, but I loved him dearly and would give anything to know more about the man he was inside. The tears began to well up while walking to the car, Josh quickly grabbed and held me tight, reassuring the vows we had just exchanged. I took a large deep breath and let it go.

I'm not the crying type, or I wasn't before Lena came along. I hate to cry, simply because there's too much to be happy about!! A month later we discovered we were expecting our first and not long after Papaw took a turn for the worse. I decided to stay behind after Josh and I visited for a weekend. I visited Papaw regularly where I was able to tell him about the baby to come, and I remember the last time I was in the hospital. I knew that this would probably be the last time I saw him, so I kissed him on the cheek goodbye, just like I had done for the last 23 years.

Getting the call a few weeks later that he wasn't going to make it, broke my heart. I don't think I have ever felt so completely lonely. I wanted nothing more than to be with my family in that last moment. I was able to make it home for his funeral, and if a funeral can be beautiful, it was. The drive to KY was long. I went alone since Josh had to work. Part of me was hurt that he wasn't with me, but looking back I can see that it was my time to grieve and reflect. I needed to get that out of my system so I could put myself aside and be there for my Mamaw, mom, aunt, uncle, brother, cousins...etc!

Losing someone is hard, and Papaw was the first person in my day to day life that I had lost. But losing someone also puts life in perspective. Driving home after that week I felt nothing but peace. Death, be it hard for those of us left on earth, is just a part of life. When I grieve it's for my own selfish reasons, not because of his soul.

So when life gets out of focus for me I try to remember that peace. I try to step back and look at my blessings. I try to pray more and give thanks for all that I have.

Lessons...

So yesterday I learned an amazing lesson in motherhood. You always hear there's no such thing as a sick day, and boy buddy, they weren't lieing. I ended up with a horrible headache/migraine all day yesterday. I woke up with this irritating pain in my right temple that just continued to spread and eventually invaded my entire head. Im talking the BANG kind, where you need to aly in total darkness and complete quiet. A couple of times it sent me running to the bathroom. Unfortunately, though I happen to be the keeper of this beautiful little five month old. Actually she's five months today, but that's another post for another time.

After an hour of screaming and fighting, I finally got her to calm down and take a nap for a couple of hours. Unfortunately by the time that happened I was having hot flashes and a headache that was on the verge of just plain ole sickness.

I was finally able to get some meds and a short nap in when my husband got home. It didn't last long enough, and he was soon off to dream land leaving me with the crying baby again. I love my husband, I really do, and most of the time he's pretty close to perfect, but I won't lie when I say I wanted to scream, kick, cry, and throw a little tantrum.

So there is really no such thing as a sick day for a mommy!!

Miracles Happen....When you Believe!!

A Football Game.....

Josh sent me another email I wanted to share with you all....



Tennessee Football
This is a statement that was read over the PA system at the football game at Roane County High School , Kingston , Tennessee by school Principal, Jody McLeod

"It has always been the custom at Roane County High School football games, to say a prayer and play the National Anthem, to honor God and Country."

Due to a recent ruling by the Supreme Court, I am told that saying a Prayer is a violation of Federal Case Law. As I understand the law at this time, I can use this public facility to approve of sexual perversion and call it "an alternate life style," and if someone is offended, that's OK.

I can use it to condone sexual promiscuity, by dispensing condoms and calling it, "safe sex." If someone is offended, that's OK.

I can even use this public facility to present the merits of killing an unborn baby as a "viable! means of birth control." If someone is offended, no problem...

I can designate a school day as "Earth Day" and involve students in activities to worship religiously and praise the goddess "Mother Earth" and call it "ecology.."

I can use literature, videos and presentations in the classroom that depicts people with strong, traditional Christian convictions as "simple minded" and "ignorant" and call it "enlightenment.."

However, if anyone uses this facility to honor GOD and to ask HIM to Bless this event with safety and good sportsmanship, then Federal Case Law is violated.

This appears to be inconsistent at best, and at worst, diabolical.
Apparently, we are to be tolerant of everything and anyone, except GOD and HIS Commandments.

Nevertheless , as a school principal, I frequently ask staff and students to abide by rules with which they do not necessarily agree. For me to do otherwise would be inconsistent at best, and at worst, hypocritical... I suffer from that affliction enough unintentionally. I certainly do not need to add an intentional transgression.

For this reason, I shall "Render unto Caesar that which is Caesar's," and refrain from praying at this time.

" However, if you feel inspired to honor, praise and thank GOD and ask HIM,in the name of JESUS, to Bless this event, please feel free to do so.. As far as I know, that's not against the law----yet."

One by one, the people in the stands bowed their heads, held hands with one another and began to pray.

They prayed in the stands. They prayed in the team huddles. They prayed at the concession stand and they prayed in the Announcer's Box!

The only place they didn't pray was in the Supreme Court of the United States of America- the Seat of "Justice" in the "one nation, under GOD."

Somehow, Kingston , Tennessee Remembered what so many have forgotten. We are given the Freedom OF Religion, not the Freedom FROM Religion. Praise GOD that HIS remnant remains!

JESUS said, "If you are ashamed of ME before men, then I will be ashamed of you before MY FATHER.."

Holiday Fever

So I can just feel the tug beginning for the holiday's!! I absolutely love Sept-Dec. It's pretty ridiculous how much Josh and I get into the Holiday scene. I will admit, I already have my dining table decorated for the fall, and my fall hand towels out. Pretty sure I will be putting out the door hanger and yard stake this weekend. I've even got a pumpkin yankee candle car scent in my van, and pumpkin spice candles warming the inside of my home. Yes, I have a problem.

Last year Josh and I were the first in our neighborhood to put up Christmas lights, and I am pretty sure we've decided to go ahead and put them, and our tree up shortly after Halloween! I HATE doing all that work decorating after Thanksgiving, and having to take it down a month later. I want to enjoy it. Plus we may be doing a Thanksgiving dinner this year, and I'd love for the family to get to see my tree and all that fun stuff!!

It's sad, I know! I've even nearly completed my Christmas shopping already. I tend to just buy when I see something people would love, at a good deal. Trust me, I am the QUEEN of bargains. Ask me about the 7 new shirts I purchased last week for 35 buckaroos! I like my money to go a loooong way, and those of you that know me, know I could absolutely care less about the name on the shirt, as long as it fits, and looks cute!! :0) Lucky for me, I have a pretty thrifty husband as well (ie the fence he put up, and the hardwood floors he layed that cost over 50 percent less then if we'd had them done)

So, I have skimmed off subject....I LOVE THE HOLIDAYS!! Lena already has the cutest assortment of outfits for each occasion. I have made sure she will have a different Christmas outfit for every day we will be home. Fall also brings revival at my home church, which we will be going home for this year. Even though this is SOOOOO not the point, she also has some pretty cute stuff for that too. Yup, she's my own personally little doll full of cuteness and I just love showing her off!! **sigh** I think she's the reason I am soo ridiculously excited this year also.

Anyways, this has just been a crazy ramble, I just wanted to write a tid bit while I had her down for her afternoon nap! HOpefully the builders next door will hold off on the noise so she can get some good sleep in!! :0)

Little Bit of Chicken Fried....

Last night Josh and I ventured down to Charlotte to view one of our favorite bands....Zac Brown Band! Thank you again to Josh's dad, stepmom, and Mamaw for taking care of Lena for us. We had a blast. I had forgotten how young we still were. For a moment I felt like that 15 year old girl again, who just saw him walk through the church doors. **ahh** I enjoy the fact that he can still give me butterflies with just one cute smile.

While the concert was a blast, we couldn't wait to get home to that precious little thing at the top of the post. Poor Lena has just had a week with teething. Did I mention I found 2 more poking through, for a grand total of 3 this week! WHEW, and she's not yet 5 months. I wouldn't mind, however, if everytime she teethed she got a couple at a time. Pain is no fun, but I feel that getting it done with and out of the way makes it easier to deal with.

Say a tiny prayer tonight. I have to go get some blood work done tomorrow. Don't worry, I don't think it's anything serious, but man am I sick of being poked and prodded. I've been having cramps, nausea, exhaustion, yup thought I was preggo. Four tests and a gyno trip later and I have been put on antibiotics for an infection that I MIGHT have in my uterus. I went, because I was sure it was my IUD causing these problems, I'm still not convinced it isn't. The Dr., however, wants to check my thyroid and such to be sure. I think I have decided that if the tests come back fine I am just going to have it removed and see what happens. So far I'm not telling a huge difference with the antibiotics, and I hate that I am taking them and they aren't even sure that's what's going on. UGH, I hate going to the doctor. I don't blame them, and expect them to know everything, but my wallet is taking a serious beating with medical bills this year!!

So other than the occasional bouts of cramping and nausea, life is great, dare I say amazing!! Lena's sleeping has taken a huge turn for the better, which means we are getting enough sleep and tension has subsided in the household. I'm looking forward to the weeks and months ahead. Fall is just my absolute favorite time of the year, plus I get to spend 2 weeks with my family, and am making it home for church revival! Yup, life is good!!

Teething Update!!

So Lena has been much more her normal self lately! WHEW! I have actually soptted a few little toothers starting to poke through her bottom gums! I was right, we are teething several at once! Josh made the comment the other day of how different she is going to look with teeth. I assured him she would still be gorgeous... ;0)!!

We have also, wel almost, conquered bed time! Praise Jesus!! We are still doing the bath and sleepy time movie from about 7-730, only it is really starting to work like a charm. Don't get me wrong she still fights it, but i just hold and rock. There is absolutely no eye contact, or interaction. I want her to see that around this time every night, nothing exciting is going on, mommy and daddy are a total bore!! (now we know the difference, but shhhhh!!!!) I also tried laying one of her softer blankets down in her crib and voila right to sleep! She did wake up a little bit later, but we decided to try my laptop propped up around her crib with her video and she was OUT. Criticize me fi you will for allowing my child to watch "tv" in bed, but it works and we are ALL much happier these days!! Plus she's not watching cartoons or anything, but baby einstein or Mozart and Friends, plus its not too long before she's out again!

She will sleep for about 4-5 hours then she's up to eat. I let her have this bottle. With her being over 15 lbs now she should be eating about 6-7 ounces a feeding easily. However, I have a snacker. She will eat 4 ounces here, 2 there, I think this is spun from the fact that she was breast fed in the beginning, which means on demand. She is still ending up in our room for a few hours of the night, but now Josh has started getting up, changing, and feeding her before getting ready for work. He then lays her down in her crib where today she slept from 5:30-8:30! I would consider this all progress!

It's a slow and steady pace, but we are getting there! I have high hopes for the next couple of weeks, that is if we don't break through any more teeth for a bit. Did I mention she's really becoming a pro at this bottle holding thing? For the last month or so I haven't just "given" her anything, I've had her reach and grab for it all. I also started letting go of the bottle when her hands were on it to encourage her to hold on! I don't know if it's my efforts, or just her growing mind, but she's really getting the hang of it! The best part is when we give her a sippy with her meals. She loves to pick it up and put it in her mouth...ice water is her favorite!

I'd love to post some pics of these amazing milestones we are crossing, but I have misplaced my usb cord. Hopefully I will find it while I clean my neglected house today!! Hope you all have an AMAZING and blessed weekend!! Happy Blogging!!!

Women in the Church....

So, a young woman that I went to highschool with has opened up a "debate" on facebook about women in church. I put the word debate in parenthesis simply because she has deleted every comment that has disagreed with her opinion. (don't post things you don't want others to have an opinion on...am I right??) Anyways, I wanted to open this up on here! I'm very curious to see how everyone else feels about it.

Her point : 1 Timothy 2:12 : But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence.
Therefore it is not the place of a woman to be in a position of leadership over a man, especially in a position such as a pastor.

She has taken the text literally and believes that simply...women should not hold any leadership, or teaching position over man.


My point: That's a fine belief and yes the bible states that, but it is also written in Joel 2:28; Acts 2:17-18 that women being called to preach is prophecy fulfillment that Jesus' return is upon us.

Note: I was not in any way arguing the bibles teaching, but simply suggesting that for one to "preach and speak" the word of God one must have and ENTIRE understanding of the bible. You can't just simply spit out your favorite quotes. This is my process of thinking.

Women were meant to be subjects in the church at the beginning, but to say that a woman in the spirit now is "ungodly" would be blasphemy. It was also mentioned in the bible that women should not pray in church..?? Can the bible be taken literally word for word? I've heard that the bible is not a textbook, but a handbook. It's a resource for your life. I'm curious to see your thoughts/opinions on this topic, because I don't know.

I believe that the bible is most certaintly the word of God, but I also realize that man has had a say in the bible. And man isnot without corruption or sin. I believe simply that you HAVE to be saved to get into heaven, that prayer can move mountains, and that when I am wrong I feel this little knock on my heart steering me in the right direction. You see, I grew up in a feeling way- I am most certaintly an old time Christian. We shout, we sing, we praise. We were not taught that you have to open your bible to find God, but that if you are saved He can be felt in your heart. It's a feeling you can't describe, one that will never leave you, and a promise to a mansion. I pray that everyone would find this promise, this feeling of perfection. So if that means that I get down and pray on the alter with a man twice my age in hopes that he gets into Heaven someday, then I will do it. OR if it means that I am to be a testimony to a gentlemen one day that has no idea who Jesus is, then I will do it. If God commands it, how can it be wrong??

What's your thought??

Answers!!

Last night was the most exhausting night I have had with Lena since she was born. Even then I was simply exhausted because my body was working double time in an effort to recover. THe poor things was up all morning, afternoon, evening, and night yesterday just screaming. She absolutely did not want to nap, and when she did they only lasted a few minutes. When bed time came it was like pulling teeth. I got her rocked and asleep and JOsh quickly got her put in her crib, but no more than an hour later she was up screaming and crying. We'd get her back to sleep and the pattern would repeat. I finally kicked JOsh out of the bed and layed her with me, in hopes that she was just simply being spoiled a clingy. NOPE! She still woke up every hour crying. NOthing would satisfy her. Not rocking, bottle, singing...I mean NOTHING!!

By about 2:30 this morning I had joined her in the crying fits. Exhaustion had struck and I was quickly wearing down. I hate it when she cries and nothing I do seems to suffice. Josh took her from me at about 5:30, fed, changed her, and layed her back in her crib. I was able to get about another 1 1/2 of sleep out of what seemed to be an endless night!

When she woke up still unhappy this morning I decided it was time to go to the doctors. Even if they just told me she was sleepy, or colicky, atleast I could be sure that I wasn't missing something. I saw a different one than our usual, and was relieved to hear her agreement on my teething diagnosis. She even showed me exactly how to tell. I thought her gums had looked swollen the last couple of days. She also suspected some acid reflux. Something that Josh and I had both considered. ESP. since she's only fussy when it's time to lay down. As a newborn we always kept her propped up at night because of the simple reflux and gagging she had. Looks like we will be going back to that along with a new medication that I'm praying helps. I hate the thought of pain for her. I had acid reflux during my pregnancy and spent many nights propped up in a chair because of pain! I also asked what she recommended for teething. The usual list was given..oragel, teething toys, etc!! I asked her about teething tablets, because I know a ton of parents that swear by them and love the "organic" factor. She warned me against their use because they are derived from the same plant used to make opium and morphine!! WHAT!!! Needless to say, those won't be used in my house anymore!

I am considering an old "technique" if you can call it that, of using a moles foot necklace. I know several people that swear by them, including a preacher from back home. Josh thinks it's voodoo, and is seriously afraid of being struck down! LoL, me, I come from a long line of what we refer to as "witches". There have been those that can heal a burn by touching it, get rid of moles, and have a somewhat psychic ability. I believe intent is always the biggest factor. And at this point I will try anything to help my baby out!

Frustration, patience, sleep!!

I need help, advise, a magic rodent foot!! (don't ask) My child does NOT like to sleep. And when she finally gets those weary little eyes closed, the slightest noise can jolt her up. I thought we were beginning to make progress in our nighttime routine, and perhaps we are, but my lack of patience wants more, NOW!

We've started, what I consider to be a substantial night routine. We feed her between 6-630. Then anywhere from 7-730 she is bathed, massaged with her "sleepy" lotion, rocked and read to, or enjoys her "Mozart and Friends Sleepytime DVD". This usually involves a LOT of crying, hair pulling (Lena pulling my hair), pinching, kicking frustration, and as of last night a headbutt to my cheek resulting in a beautiful bruise on the left side of my face! Once she is snug in one of our laps we continue to rock for atleast 10 more minutes, just to be sure. Then we lay her in her crib, where if we are lucky she sleeps for about 4 hours. Then the real fun begins. She begins to wake periodically through the night, sometimes in a pattern, other times just because. If we can coax her right back to sleep, no bottle, if we can't we give in and allow her a fix of milk!

I won't lie, she ends up in bed with us, and in her bassinet almost every night! Because I am the one that usually wakes to get her back to sleep, I am willing to do ANYTHING to get just a couple of hours myself. Selfish? You betcha, but without sleep it's so hard to function properly enough to be a good mommy!!

Once we were given the clear for cereal, we went for it. This was simply in hopes that it would keep her full through the night and she would sleep!! HAHAHA...you know that saying that God laughs when we make plans! Well this is just hillarious! I know we will find a way that works for us all, and patience is our only virtue at this point. But I'm becoming frustrated, and my nerves are worn from the constant cries. There are days when she cries most of the time, simply because she didn't sleep well the night before and is still soo exhausted. These days I feel like a failure, a tired, unshowered, matted hair, failure.

What to do? She's only four months, almost five. Maybe I'm expecting to much out of her, and maybe my lack of faith that life with work it out, is getting in my way! But I need sleep, I miss sleep. And napping when she naps is getting me no where. The days I do nap, I'm up all night because I am no longer tired. AHH the pattern! What to do?

Prayer...

Dear Lord,
Thank you for this day and the many blessings you have given us. We ask you to watch over us and those that can not be with us, and forgive us of our many sins. Bless this food for the nourishment of our bodies.

In His name we Pray,
Amen

So, it's not exactly right, but pretty close! This is the prayer that I hear every night when my tiny family sits down to eat dinner. It's not always spoken aloud, but understood in our silence. We don't always eat at a table, or even in the same room, but before a bite is taken, the prayer is said. I didn't grow up in a household where we prayed at the dinner table every night. Not to say that I didn't grow up in a Christian way, we just embraced different traditions.

I learned at a very young age to talk to God as a friend. I'd often times find myself lying in bed staring blankly at the ceiling, or in my car with the radio off, just talking. I'd talk about my day, the things I wanted to do better, ask for some "advice" or a nudge in the right direction. To me God was my best friend. Over the years I have strayed, but always found myself back to the flock. I enjoy this new tradition my family has taken on, and find comfort in my husbands humble prayer.

I hope that when Lena grows into a beautiful young woman she will look back and remember this prayer. "That's the prayer daddy used to say every night before dinner." It's the impacts like this one that I can only hope and strive to provide my daughter.

We are not perfect people, but we are perfectly in love with one another and God!! hmmm....

Marriage, love, and Same Sex....

So I decided, after much consideration, to open up this area of conversation on my blog. Many blogs that I follow are christian based, good people, that in my opinion are probably registered Republicans. No judgement here, I define myself as a Republican also. But as a Republican I still deeply believe in equality and the right for the gay community to marry. Let's talk about this!

If you are so against Gay marriage allow me to start by saying why? If your answer is because the bible says it's wrong, then allow me to ask if you have ever committed a sin in your life. (for the record I don't believe that being Gay is in any way shape or form a sin.) I didn't think so. I hear the argument daily that we must keep the SANCTITY OF MARRIAGE. BAHAHAHA 50% percent of first marriages, 67% of second and 74% of third marriages end in divorce, according to Jennifer Baker of the Forest Institute of Professional Psychology in Springfield, Missouri. So if marriage is deemed to be so sacred, why is it so easy to get out of??

Here's my opinion. Legalize Gay marriage, but do away annulments, and make divorce harder to achieve. Let's also make over night marriages impossible to obtain. In order to get married you should have dated and taken time to get to know one another and have no doubts...maybe provide marriage counseling. I know it's a crazy suggestion, and many are saying, but if you believe that we can't be told who to love should the govt. be allowed to tell us when we can get married. My answer is, probably not, but if youa re really and TRULY in love, you can wait a bit longer. This inevitably help with our ridiculous divorce rate, simply because those that would have ended in divorce anyways probably won't end up going down the isle.

To me marriage is a promise to your love in front of God that you will always love and be with them....for better or for worse. So if two Gay human beings are in love and want to express that love by marrying one another, I say BRAVA!!! In a country where we allow people to get married for green cards, money, and out of sheer stupidity and intoxication, I am still trying to figure out why being Gay puts such a stigma on your sanctity of marriage!! Please, enlighten me!!!

100 Giveaway...SAY WHAT!!

Click here to view an AMAZING giveaway....trust me, you don't want to miss this one!! :0)

Miracles!!

i don't believe that miracles simply come to those who wait! I believe that God creates miracles after man has done everything within their power and knowledge to make a situation work!!

“True miracles are created by men when they use the courage and intelligence that God gave them”

That's exactly what this family is doing!! Please read their story and pray...HARD for them!! I couldn't imagine what they have and are going through, and I could only hope that if ever I faced a situation of sorts that someone would pray for me!!

95th Percentile!!!

That's exactly what little Lena measured in at today at her four month check up! Besides being almost 26 inches long, she's in the 75th percentile for weight and that noggin of hers! The girl is growing like a weed! The doctor did inform me today that it's time for me to try and let Lena soothe herself at night. She's still waking up a couple of times at night and wants to feed, and it's now my responsibilty to wing her off!! **sigh** Why couldn't she have just been one of those babies that miraculously slept through the night! I HATE HATE HATE to let her cry. There have been several times I've pulled the car over with her throwing a fit, just to get her out and hold her to calm her down! Yes ladies and gents I am a First Time Mommy....FO SHO!!!

We've already tried rice a couple of times, and to no avail she HATED it! So I'm giving her time before trying it again. I don't want to force it down her throat, and we have plenty of time to get it right. Maybe this will also help with her sleeping issue. I know I can sleep pretty darn good on a full belly! I'll let you know how the whole "soothe it out" aka "cry, scream, kick, and wail" thing goes!!

At four months Lena has really taken on a unique personality! She never did act like a newborn. She could hold her head up, smile, and coo from the get go. She also never liked to really be snuggled. She wants to be sat up and turned around where she can see everything. This has not changed, however, the smiles have turned into belly laughs, holding her head up has leaned into rolling halfway over, cooing has become screaching and yelling, and sitting up has led to plenty of time spent in the bouncer and walker to give mommy's arms a rest!








She's such a unique and wonderful little life already! I got tickled today at her laughing and talking to the doctor....almost as if to say hush mom, you don't know squat. I look forward to every tiny milestone that sets these short stages of life apart- like the fact that she is bound and determined to hold her bottle on her own. She's almost there! She holds it up, until something catches her eye and her head turns! She's too funny!

Four Months and a Mini Vacay!!

This past weekend we deccided to venture to the Smokeys where we met my Mom and Dad for a weekend Get-a-way! We had a blast! Not to mention that my little girl turned four months old! She is growing way to fast for me to keep up with (she's already in 6 month clothing) I'll let the pictures tell the stories!! (Note they are not in any order and there are a TON of them)